I spent $4 on Mechnical Turk and all I got were these Turing machine jokes

August 19, 2016 at 12:19 PM | Play | View Comments

I logged in to my Amazon Mechanical Turk (see also: Mechnical Turk) for the first time in years the other day:

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And was reminded of the best $4 I spent in 2008: a collection of terrible Turing machine related jokes.

Below are the raw and unedited results of asking workers on Mechanical Turk to help me find Turing machine jokes. Each respondant was paid $0.25 if their response was accepted, and I was pretty liberal accepting responses:

1m 30s
0% (0/6)
Rejected
What did Snoop Dogg say to the Turing Machine? You better recognize!.
22s
0% (0/6)
Rejected
Q: Why did the Turing Machine cross the road?

A: To go to Office Depot to buy some more tape!

Because it had run out!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
14s
100% (1/1)
Approved
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
10s
100% (3/3)
Approved
I think some people miss the point of the Turing test. The point is not to determine how intelligent someone or something is, but to determine how good a computer is at imitating a human.
1m 29s
0% (0/6)
Rejected
A Turing Machine walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like. The Turing Machine sits there thinking for what seems like forever. Finally, the impatient bartender asks "Well, what's it going to be?!?". The Turing Machine, embarrassed, admits: "I can't decide."
31s
100% (1/1)
Approved
How many Turing Machines does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--that's a hardware problem.
12m 12s
100% (1/1)
Approved
I couldn't find any either. Not so familiar with the domain, but did give some originals a shot.
-------
Q. Why isn't the poet Turing Machine married?
A. The peculiarity is that it prefers it's own singularity.

Knock knock
Who's there
Turing machine
Turing machine who
One extra 'o' and I've could've been a cool motorbike (Touring machine) instead of responding to formalist jokes like I'm not faking this nihilism to pretend I have a personality.

What did the solipsophist and the Turing Machine say to each other.
Nothing, they both thought the other did not exist outside of memory.

What's the difference between a Turing Machine and a tax collector?
At least the Turing Machine is pretending to be human.
4s
100% (3/3)
Approved
Q: Why did the Turing Machine cross the road?

A: To go to Office Depot to buy some more tape!
23s
100% (3/3)
Approved
"In order that the machine should have a chance of finding things out for itself it should be allowed to roam the country side, and the danger to the ordinary citizen would be serious." (Turing 1947)
28s
100% (11/11)
Approved
Maybe you'll appreciate this

http://www.getacoder.com/projects/bug_finder_92913.html

(perhaps not directly relevant, but I hope you'll like it anyway).
50s
100% (1/1)
Approved
To emulate a Turing machine, all you need is a roll of toilet paper and some pebbles.
6s
0% (0/6)
Rejected
The Turing Machine... The basis for all modern computation... Yet only a handful of people have thought it worth while to make jokes about them!

What a travesty -- this must be changed.

Please post your favorite Turing Machine jokes here, in hopes that they will be immortalized for generations to come.
38s
0% (0/6)
Rejected
What did AI1 say to AI2?

"You may be Turing complete, put I convinced some guy I can converse intelligently in Mandarin just by running an algorithm I can never understand because I am neither sentient nor alive."

hold for laughs
19m 37s
100% (1/1)
Approved
OK, I have been thinking since you posted these hits, and I can't come up with a dam thing and I am one of the few old school that actually know what a turing machine actual is without looking it up on Wikipedia. I had an awesome idea for getting your jokes, but it requires a cell phone, and my wife has mine tonight because hers died a couple days ago. Anyway here is what you do because I'm sure these hits will be gone before she gets back. Have you heard of ChaCha? I'm a guide and work for them, we answer questions by searching the net, and one of the things we get is a ton of joke request, which are easy we just pull one from the net. UNLESS, and we are required to do this, someone ask us to make up a joke about a subject.

ChaCha is free, just text or call in your request several times, as many as you like, it is per use, so you just can ask to send 20 jokes at a time. Once you get one, you can just text the word 'more', and the guide will look at last request history and research and make up a new joke. Make sure to request they don't just pull something for the internet.

Text chacha-242242 , or you can call 1-800-2chacha - 1-800-224-2242, if you call you have to do it from a cell phone because the answer will come back via test message. If you don't pay me for this, no big deal, hope it helps!